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Section 2: Helping you adapt Chapter 11 The Blessings of Enduring: You Are Not Alone
"Keep an Eternal perspective...Whatever the purpose of severe disabilities, the truth is clear: Our Heavenly Father can
turn any circumstance, no matter how tragic to our limited understanding, into a blessing." Laurie Wilson Thornton, "The Mathematics
of Multiple Disabilities," page 64 "Ensign" October 1991.
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"Ensign," November 1989, page 4, "To the Elderly in the Church" by President Ezra Taft Benson. "The Lord knows and loves
the elderly among his people. It has always been so, and upon them He has bestowed many of His greatest responsibilities.
"We hope your days are filled with things to do and ways in which you can render service to others who are not as fortunate
as you...the key to overcoming aloneness and a feeling of uselessness for one who is physically able is to step outside of
yourself by helping others who are truly needy.
"We pray that you will continue to strive to remain strong in attitude and spirit, we know it is not always easy. We
pray that those who now do for you tasks that you no longer are able to do yourself, will do so in love, in gentleness, and
in a caring spirit.
"Now for a few minutes may I speak to the families of the elderly: Remember, parents and grandparents are our responsibility,
and we are to care for them to the very best of our ability.
"To honor and respect our parents means that we have a high regard for them. We love and appreciate them and are concerned
about their happiness and well-being. We treat them with courtesy and thoughtful consideration. We seek to understand their
point of view.
"Certainly obedience to parent's righteous desires and wishes is a part of honoring. Furthermore, our parents deserve
our honor and respect for giving us life itself...Let us also learn to be forgiving of our parents, who, perhaps having made
mistakes as they reared us, almost always did the best they knew how. May we ever forgive them as we would likewise wish to
be forgiven by our own children for mistakes we make.
"Even when parents become elderly, we ought to honor them by allowing the freedom of choice and the opportunity for independence
as long as possible. Let us not take away from them choices which they can still make.
"The role of the caregiver is vital. There is great need for support and help to be given such a person...We hope that
you would include the elderly in family activities when possible.
"Grandparents can have a profound influence on their grandchildren...We hope that priesthood and auxiliary leaders will
continue to give the elderly callings...We hope, where possible, that each can be a home teacher or a visiting teacher.
"Even those who are somewhat confined to their beds and homes can sometimes assist in this watch care through telephone
calls, writing notes, or other special assignments.
"At times temporary relief is very much needed and appreciated by family members who provide constant care to those with
special needs. It is important to help the family maintain its functions as a family with periodic freedom from the
heavy responsibilities that long-term or terminal illness can impose.
"All need loving support and relief from the overwhelming duties of serious illness or problems...we should prayerfully
seek inspiration and direction in caring for the elderly. There is always a great diversity of individuals and individual
needs."
"Ensign," March 1991, page 51, "Living with Chronic Illness," by Libby Knapp. "I have come to realize that one of the
purposes of trials is to prepare a heart to bear testimony that 'waiting on the Lord' does make a difference.
"The adversary tries to convince me that losing my physical abilities lessens my worth. But when I pray, read scriptures,
and serve others, I recognize that I am of worth because I am a child of God.
"It finally occurred to me that by withholding from others the opportunity to assist me, I was actually denying them
blessings. Allowing others to serve can be service.
"When everyday is filled with pain and fatigue, it is impossible not to think about sickness, but filling life with pleasant
distractions such as watching beautiful sunsets, taking time to notice God's handiwork, spending time with a good friend,
and listening to uplifting music brings joy."
"Ensign," May 1990, page 33, "Endure It Well" by Elder Neal A Maxwell, Of the Quorum of the Twelve. "True enduring represents
not merely the passage of time, but the passage of soul.
"If, for instance, we are always taking our temperature to see if we are happy, we will not be. If we are constantly
comparing to see if things are fair, we are not only being unrealistic, we are being unfair to ourselves.
"Patient endurance permits us to cling to our faith in the Lord and our faith in His timing.
"When, for the moment, we ourselves are not being stretched on a particular cross, we ought to be at the foot of someone
else's -full of empathy and proffering spiritual refreshment...Without patient and meek endurance we will learn less, see
less, feel less, and hear less."
"Life is full of difficulties, some minor and others of a more serious nature. There seems to be an unending supply of
challenges for one and all. Our problem is that we often expect instantaneous solutions to such challenges, forgetting that
frequently the heavenly virtue of patience is required.
"...In sickness, with its attendant pain, patience is required. If the only perfect man who ever lived -even Jesus of
Nazareth- was called upon to endure great suffering, how can we, who are less than perfect, expect to be free of such challenges?...Patience
can be a helpful companion during such stressful times."
Nov 1995 "Ensign" page 59 titled "Patience -A Heavenly Virtue" by President Thomas S. Monson.
"Amidst circumstances seemingly impossible, I have also experienced the joyous relief that comes when one's understanding
is deepened by scriptural insight...The Lord has often chosen to instruct His people in the midst of trial." May 1988 "Ensign"
page 33 by Elder Russell M. Nelson.
"All of us...must be sanctified from time to time by whatever process the Lord has in mind. Just as surely as we are
assembled here whether a General Authority, a bishop, an elder, or a deacon, the process is the same. We must try to understand
that when adversity comes, it is likely a means of preparing us for something ahead." May 1987 "Ensign" page 41 by Elder Robert
L. Simpson.
"Ensign" Dec 1992 page 12 "Opposition, Joy, and the Nice Life" by Bruce C. & Marie Hafen. "Mortality presents us
with a necessary mixture of righteousness and temptation, holiness and misery. There is opposition in Zion, because there
is opposition in all things, even those experiences made memorable partly by their implied promise of better times ahead.
"...most of the questions we face as our testimonies grow are signs that we are learning more, not less, about the truth.
The turning point for him [a young member] came when he stopped being so concerned about his own troubles and began trying
to help others with theirs.
Speaking of President Kimball: "That which he most had feared indeed came to pass- his failing health prevented him from
carrying his full share of the load. How his heart must have ached! If someone as faithful as President Kimball continued
to experience opposition at this stage of life, it is not surprising that the rest of us must as well...God consecrated his
sorrow for our gain."
"Ensign," May 1991, page 91, "Solving Emotional Problems in the Lord's Own Way" by Elder Boyd K. Packer, Of the Council
of the Twelve. "We need to have a source of emotional self-reliance stored in every home, not just in the bishop's office.
"Fortunately, the principles of temporal welfare apply to emotional problems as well...There should not be the slightest
embarrassment for any member to be assisted by the Church. Provided, that is, that he has contributed all he can...that principle
holds true with emotional assistance as well.
"It is easier to show them how to help themselves, and more than that, how to help others. That is the greatest therapy.
"If my boy needs counseling, bishop, it should be my responsibility first, and yours second. If my boy needs recreation,
bishop, I should provide it first, and you second. If my boy needs correction, that should be my responsibility first, and
your second. If I am failing as a father, help me first, and my children second. Do not be too quick to counsel them and solve
all their problems. Get me involved. It is my ministry.
"It was meant to be that life would be a challenge. To suffer some anxiety, some depression, some disappointment, even
some failure is normal. Teach our members that if they have a good, miserable day once in a while, or several in a row, to
stand steady and face them. Things will straighten out. There is great purpose in our struggle in life."[bishops] Sometimes
what a member needs is forgiveness-you have a key to that."
"Ensign," May 1979, page 53, "The Refiner's Fire" by Elder James E Faust, Of the Council of the Twelve. "Here then is great truth. In the pain, the agony, and the heroic endeavors of life, we pass through a refiner's fire, and the insignificant and the unimportant in our lives can melt away like dross and make our faith bright, intact, and strong. "Into every life there come the painful, despairing days of adversity and buffeting. There seems to be a full measure
of anguish, sorrow, and often heartbreak for every one, including those who earnestly seek to do right and be faithful.
"The thorns that prick, that stick in the flesh, that hurt, often change lives which seem robbed of significance and
hope. This change comes about through a refining process which often seems cruel and hard. In this way the soul can become
like soft clay in the hands of the Master in building lives of faith, usefulness, beauty, and strength."
"Ensign." November 1979, page 68, "After Much Tribulation Come the Blessings" by Elder Adney Y. Komatsu, Of the First
Quorum of the Seventy. "It is through sorrow and suffering, toil, and tribulation, that we gain the education we came here
to acquire...How great is our reward as we faithfully endure our afflictions and sufferings of this life!"
"Ensign," May 1965, page 16, by President Harold B. Lee. "Just as a flood-lighted temple is more beautiful in a severe
storm or in a heavy fog, so the gospel of Jesus Christ is more glorious in times of inward storm and of personal sorrow and
tormenting conflict."
"Ensign," March 1996 "First Presidency Message: Formula for Success" by President Thomas S Monson, First Counselor in
the First Presidency. "First fill your mind with truth; second fill your life with service; and third, fill your heart with
love."
"Ensign," March 1996, page 28, "Our Moral Agency" by Elder L. Lionel Kendrick, Of the Seventy. "We can choose to let
[less-than desirable] circumstances keep us from becoming successful, or we can respond with a divine determination to achieve
in spite of adverse conditions...While we may use our agency to obey or to disobey, we are not free to choose the consequences
of our disobedience."
"Ensign," November 1977, page 77, by President Kimball. "As givers gain control of their desires and properly see others
needs in light of their own wants, then the power of the gospel are released in their lives. They learn that by living the
great law of consecration they insure not only temporal salvation but also spiritual sanctification."
"Faith Precedes the Miracle," 1972, by President Spencer W Kimball, page 98, Deseret Book Company. "Being human, we would
expel from our lives physical pain and mental anguish and assure ourselves of continual ease and comfort, but if we were to
close the doors upon sorrow and distress, we might be excluding our greatest friends and benefactors. Suffering can make saints
of people as they learn patience, long-suffering, and self-mastery."
"Ensign," May 1980, page 24, "God Will Have a Tried People" by Elder Howard W Hunter, Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.
"What makes us imagine that we may be immune from the same experiences that refined the lives of former-day saints? ...we
came to mortal life to encounter resistance. It was part of the plan for our eternal progress.
"...it was because of the opposition encountered in our early history that our progress today has been made possible.
'I, the Lord, have suffered the affliction to come upon them...They must needs be chastened and tried even as Abraham' (D&C
101: 2, 4). These are biographies of faith -men whom God has honored because they relied on him in times of their extremity.
They learned the truth that God chose them 'in the furnace of affliction'(Isa. 48:10).
"Today other biographies are being written -saints who, like Job, suffered physical pain, emotional sorrow, and even
disloyalty from friends --yet remain faithful."
Chapter 12 Self-Sufficiency and Gracefully Accepting Help "The submission of one's will is really the only uniquely personal thing we have to place on God's alter...As one's will
is increasingly submissive to the will of God, he can receive inspiration and revelation so much needed to help meet the trials
of life." Elder Neal A. Maxwell, General Conference, October 1995.
"What's So Good about Today?" by Sister Sharelene Weight on page 68 of the October 1992 "Ensign" tells a beautiful
story of a nursing home patient: "Although she was not seriously ill, her sight had failed, and she needed assistance with
basic tasks. Nevertheless, she was always positive and happy.
"This patient told of an earlier time when she knew a man who would get on her bus and, upon her smiling greeting, he
would grumpily reply 'What's so good about today?' She traded a paper dollar for a silver dollar at his insistence -she never
knew why he wanted the trade, but upon his death she decided to keep the coin as a reminder of him.
"Whenever she got depressed or discouraged, she would take out the shiny coin and think about what was good about today.
She would count up her blessings, and suddenly life wouldn't seem so terrible."
In the November 1980 "Ensign," page 54-60, Elder Marvin J. Ashton discusses "Adversity and You." In a poignant answer
to a young man's worry over his mother's burdens, Elder Ashton said "Your mother's trials are not tests so the Lord can measure
her. They are tests and trials so that your mother can measure herself. It is most important that she know her strengths in
adversity and grow from the experiences."
"We can lift ourselves, and others as well, when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within
our hearts an attitude of gratitude."
May 1992 "Ensign" page 54 by President Thomas S. Monson
"Perseverance is a positive, active characteristic. It is not idly, passively waiting and hoping for some good things
to happen. It gives us hope by helping us realize that the righteous suffer no failure except in giving up and no longer trying.
"When some people have a difficult job to do, they give up everything else until the job is finished. Others just give
up." Nov 1987 "Ensign" page 8 by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin.
"I will never forget Sister Nelly Sanchez. She's a pioneer even in her sick bed... now she suffers from the ravages of
cancer. As I was ushered into her bedroom, her countenance glowed with wisdom and testimony. She expressed her gratitude for
the gospel of Jesus Christ and said of her illness,'I am grateful for where I am and what I am going through because I know
that my Heavenly Father loves me'." Sister Mary Ellen Smoot, General Conference, October 1997.
Elder Neal A. Maxwell Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught: "...acquiring faith is not a one-time thing. One's
life, therefore, cannot be both faith-filled and stress-free.
"It is better to nourish our faith in what seems to be an ordinary process than to experience extraordinary things only
to stumble later over life's ordinary challenges...Faith also includes trust in God's timing.
"Blessed are the meek for they shall not be easily offended...We are to work steadily, but realistically, and only expect
to reap 'in due season.' We are to serve while being 'meek and lowly,' avoiding the wearying burdens of self-pity and
hypocrisy." --April 1991 General Conference (refer to the "Ensign," May 1991, page 88).
"Ensign," May 1992, page 25: "Patience In Affliction" by Elder Angel Abrea, Of the Seventy. "The great challenge in this
earthly life is not to determine how to escape afflictions and problems, but rather to carefully prepare ourselves to meet
them.
"We must have patience in order to withstand pain and grief without complaint or
discouragement, which detract from the spirit...Patience in affliction and adversity means to persist firmly and never forsake that which we know to be true, standing firm with the hope that in the Lord's due time we will gain an understanding of that which we do not understand now and which causes us suffering." "Ensign," November 1995, page 15: "Trust in the Lord," by Elder Richard G. Scott, Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.
"To trust means to obey willingly without knowing the end from the beginning (see Proverbs 3:5-7).
"To produce fruit, your trust in the Lord must be more powerful and enduring than your confidence in your own personal
feelings and experience. To exercise faith is to trust that the Lord knows what He is doing with you and that He can accomplish
it for your eternal good even though you cannot understand how He can possibly do it.
"Your Father in Heaven and His Beloved Son love you perfectly. They would not require you to experience a moment more
of difficulty than is absolutely needed for your personal benefit or for that of those you love.
"Your willingness to accept the will of the Father will not change what in His wisdom He has chosen to do. However, it
will certainly change the effect of those decisions on you personally.
"...because of our Father's desire for us to grow, He may give us gentle, almost imperceptible promptings that, if we
are willing to accept without complaint, He will enlarge to become a very clear indication of His will.
"I testify that when the Lord closes one important door in your life, He shows His continuing love and compassion by
opening many other compensating doors through your exercise of faith. He will place in your path packets of spiritual sunlight
to brighten your way.
"Don't let the workings of adversity totally absorb your life. Try to understand what you can. Act where you are able;
then let the matter rest with the Lord for a period while you give to others in worthy ways before you take on appropriate
concern again."
Chapter 13 Some Examples of Enduring Well: you Can, Too!
"Sometimes those who have suffered the greatest tragedies in life come to recognize that those tragedies have brought
them great growth and development," written by Barbara W. Winder in "No Joy without the Struggle" page 70-3 in the June 1988
"Ensign."
Bishop Henry B. Erying 1986 BYU Devotional. After watching his father suffer horribly from painful cancer, he heard the
victim say: "Now I know why [I am suffering]: God needs courageous sons!" This answer came to him after much humble prayer
on his knees. Bishop Erying did not think his father had the health to get out of bed and kneel in prayer, but he did so in
the middle of the night.
"Ensign," January 1974, page 18, "Adversity and Prayer," by Bishop H. Burke Peterson. "As we learn to develop this two
way communication [prayer], the standard of our life will improve. We will see things more clearly, we will try harder to
do better, we will see the real joy that can come through trials and testing. Although problems will still be with us, peace,
contentment, and true happiness will be ours in abundance...Yes, the trials will still be there: but with the companionship
of the spirit, our approach to trials will change frustrations and
heartaches to blessings." - Good Social and Mental Health: What May Help
"To accumulate spiritual knowledge, one must, in humility, seek Divine Light, exercise faith in Christ, and strive diligently to keep His commandments." Elder Scott, BYU Devotional for BYU Education Week, 1996. - Good Physical Health: What May Help
"Ensign," May 1995, page 13, "The Power to Heal From Within," by Bishop Merrill J. Bateman, Presiding Bishop. "The first lesson is that life is short whether one dies at seventeen or eighty. To a seventeen-year-old, eighty years seems like an eternity. But to a seventy-year-old, eighty years is not a long probationary period. "Just as there are parents to greet a newborn on earth, the scriptures teach that caring family members greet the spirits
in paradise and assist them in the adjustments to a new life.
"...to be meaningful, life must be more than the ephemeral pleasures of youth. There must be a plan...Developing faith
in and coming to know one's Maker is the core of the plan.
"...we are dependent on the miracles of Christ's atonement if our souls are to be made whole from grief, sorrow, and
sins..death's sting is softened as Jesus bears the believer's grief and comforts them through the Holy Spirit. Through Christ,
broken hearts are mended and peace replaces anxiety and sorrow.
"The Savior, as a member of the Godhead, knows each of us personally. In the garden and on the cross, Jesus saw each
of us and not only bore our sins, but also experienced our deepest feelings so that He would know how to comfort and strengthen
us...The Savior's atonement in the garden and on the cross is intimate as well as infinite."
Chapter 14 Adult Day Care and Other Resources--They might Help "Ensign," May 1994, page 7: "To Be Healed," by Elder Richard G. Scott, Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. "Healing
can occur in the act [priesthood blessing], yet more often it occurs over a period of time determined by the faith and obedience
of the individual and the will of the Lord. I feel the pace is generally set by the individual and not by the Lord. He expects
you to use other resources available, including competent professional help when indicated. Then He provides the balance needed
according to His will...look up in faith to Jesus Christ."
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"Ensign," Nov 1974, page 65: "Do Not Despair: A 12 Point Program to Combat
Discouragement, Depression, and Despair," by President Ezra Taft Benson, President of the Council of the Twelve Apostles. "We live in an age when, as the Lord foretold, men's hearts are failing them, not only physically but in spirit (see D&C 45:26). "Yet of all people, we as Latter-day Saints should be the most optimistic and the least pessimistic...To help us from
being overcome by the devil's designs of despair, discouragement, depression, and despondency, the Lord has provided at least
a dozen ways which, if followed, will lift our spirits and send us on our way rejoicing.
"First, repentance. Sin pulls a man down into despondency and despair.
"Second, prayer. Prayer in the hour of need is a great boon.
"Third, service. To lose yourself in righteous service to others can lift your sights and get your mind off personal
problems, or at least put them in a proper focus.
"Fourth, work. Work is our blessing, not our doom. God has a work to do, and so should we.
"Fifth, health. The condition of the physical body can affect the spirit.
"Sixth, reading. Many a man in his hour of trial has turned to the Book of Mormon and been enlightened, enlivened and comforted.
"Seventh, blessing...one can seek for a blessing under the hands of the Priesthood. "Eighth, fasting. Periodic fasting can clear up the mind and strengthen the body and spirit. "Ninth, friends. The fellowship of true friends who can hear you out, share your joys, help carry your burdens, and correctly counsel you is priceless... Ideally, your family ought to be your closest friends. "Tenth, music. Inspiring music may fill the soul with heavenly thoughts. "Eleventh, endurance.
"When George A. Smith was very ill, he was visited by his cousin, the Prophet Joseph Smith. The afflicted man reported:
'He [the prophet] told me I should never get discouraged, whatever difficulties might surround me. If I were sunk into the
lowest pit of Nova Scotia and all the Rocky Mountains piled on top of me, I ought not to be discouraged, but hang on, exercise
faith, and keep up good courage, and I should come out on the top of the heap.' (George A. Smith Family, comp. Zora Smith
Jarvis, Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University Press, 1962,
page 54) "There are times when you simply have to righteously hang on and outlast the devil until his depressive spirit leaves
you.
"Twelfth, goals. Every accountable child of God needs to set goals, short- and long-range goals...This encompasses four
main areas for goals: spiritual, mental, physical and social."
"Ensign," May 1987, page 30, "Patience, a Key to Happiness," by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, Of the Quorum of the Twelve
Apostles. "Too often...we seem to demand what we want right now, regardless of whether we have earned it, whether it would
be good for us, or whether it is right.
"A certain amount of impatience may be useful to stimulate and motivate us to action. However, I believe that a lack
of patience is a major cause of the difficulties and unhappiness in the world today.
"Perhaps the practice of patience is more difficult, yet more necessary, now than at any previous time. We should learn
to be patient with ourselves...We should not be unduly discouraged nor in despair at any time when we are doing the best we
can. Rather, we should be satisfied with our progress even though it may come slowly at times."
"Ensign," June 93, page 42, "Seasoned Service" by Derin Head Rodriguez. "Older members find that serving others is a
healthy way to overcome the pain of losing their companions...[Quoting President Ezra Taft Benson]: 'Sometimes there is...a
feeling of uselessness and aloneness which can be almost overwhelming...the key to overcoming [these feelings] is to step
outside yourself by helping others who are truly needy. We promise those who will render this kind of service that, in some
measure, you will be healed of the loss of loved ones or the dread of being alone."
Chapter 15 Economically Speaking
"Deny Yourself of All Ungodliness," by Elder Neal A. Maxwell, Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, page 66 of
the May 1995 "Ensign." "Jesus emphasized the need for proportion, saying there are 'weightier matters' even among good things...
Most of us lack more that just one thing. As we come closer to the Lord, He has promised to 'show unto [us our] weaknesses.
Hence, general goodness is no excuse for failing to work on those things we yet lack...He has asked us to become much more
like Him."
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"Ensign," November 1994, page 25, "Endure to the End in Charity," by Elder Hartman Rector, Jr. "God tells us He cannot
deny His words. Quite obviously, He is much more pleased with us when we keep His commandments, and He delights to bless us
when we do. But if we do not keep His commandments, He will chasten us. It does not mean that He doesn't love us, any more
than when parents discipline children. In fact, it is because He does love us that He chastens us that we might learn to be
obedient."
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There are 3 parts to LDS Adult Caregiving