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Section 1: Caregiving Adult Relatives compiled by Dwight L Adams 1997-98
Introduction: Why This Was Written
"Many things are only interesting and enticing, while other things are important." Nov 1987 "Ensign" page 75 titled "Selfless
Service" by Elder William R. Bradford.
"Happiness lies in the power and love and sweet simplicity of the gospel of Jesus Christ." President Gordon B. Hinckley,
April 1997, General Conference.
To Help You Cope...
Section I Especially for the Family Caregiver
"Ensign, May 1991, page 65, "To Draw Closer to God" by Bishop Henry B Eyring, First Counselor in the Presiding Bishopric.
"Everything belongs to God, so there is not much you can give Him, after you have given Him a repentant heart. But you can
give kindness to His children."
Chapter 1 Why am I and My Loved One in this Situation?
"Some 'why me?' questions, asked amid stress, would be much better as 'what?' questions, such as,'What is required of
me now?'...'If I am sufficiently humble, which personal weakness could now become a strength?" October General Conference
talk by Elder Neal A. Maxwell, Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. "Ensign, November 1997, page 22 "Applying the Atoning
Blood of Christ."
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"Sisters, we in the Relief Society presidency are mindful of the burdens that you carry...We thrill to your gallant courage
and cheerfulness. We sorrow with your pain. We are humbled by your faith...Everyone has days when it is possible to carry
the burden; there are other days when the burden seems to have crushing weight. Some of you already know the enormous strength
that comes from sharing your burdens with someone else who cares for you. Some of you are trying to carry these burdens alone
or are struggling with the even heavier burden of denial and pretense that there is no burden...Please, sisters, recognize
that no one can carry your burdens for you except the Savior, but also recognize that each one of us can make a burden lighter
by sharing it. Please, don't try to carry a burden alone, and don't make a sister do it alone."
Nov 1995 "Ensign" page 95 by Sister Chieko N. Okazaki.
"As I travel throughout the Church, I see members being tried in the crucible of affliction. I see members suffering
from debilitating health concerns. I see husbands, wives, and parents living in trying circumstances they cannot change regarding
their spouses or children. Every one of us is faced at times with unpleasant situations, adversity, and affliction that we
can not change. Many circumstances can only be addressed with time, tears, prayer, and faith. For us,
like Hyrum, peace may only come when we bring ourselves to say, 'but what can I do...thy will be done O Lord.'" Nov 1995 "Ensign" page 9 by Elder M. Russell Ballard.
"Brethren and sisters, I know that you are a praying people. That is a wonderful thing in this day and time when the
practice of prayer has slipped from many lives. To call upon the Lord for wisdom beyond your own, for strength to do what
we ought to do, for comfort and consolation, and for the expression of gratitude is a significant and wonderful thing."
Nov 1995 "Ensign" page 89 by President Gordon B. Hinckley.
"Ensign," November 1983, page 6, "Jesus Christ: Our Savior and Redeemer" by President Ezra Taft Benson, Of the
Quorum for the Twelve Apostles. "He [Christ] possesses all the attributes of the divine nature of God. He is virtuous, patient,
kind, long-suffering, gentle, meek and charitable. If we are weak or deficient in any of these qualities, He stands willing
to strengthen and compensate...Faith in Jesus Christ consists of complete reliance on Him...All things are in His hands. The
earth is His rightful dominion. Yet He permits evil so that we can make choices between good and evil...Unless we do His teachings,
we do not demonstrate faith in Him."
"Ensign," November 1991, page 84, "Obtaining Help From the Lord" by Elder Richard G Scott, Of the Quorum of the Twelve
Apostles. "To gain unshakable faith in Jesus Christ is to flood your life with brilliant light. You no longer are left to
struggle alone with challenges you know you cannot resolve or control yourself...We see such a limited part of the eternal
plan He has fashioned for each one of us. Trust Him, even when in eternal perspective it temporarily hurts
very much. Have patience when you are asked to wait when you want immediate action...You may not always know why He does what He does, but you can know He is perfectly just and perfectly merciful." "Ensign," May 1997, page 53, "Jesus Christ, Our Redeemer," by Elder Richard G. Scott, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.
"The Atonement will not only help us overcome our transgressions and mistakes, but in His time, it will resolve all inequalities
of life -those things that are unfair which are the consequences of circumstances or other's acts and not our own decisions."
Chapter 2 Answers to Some Difficult Questions in Caregiving "Whenever we are inclined to feel burdened down with the blows of life, let us remember that others have passed the same
way, have endured, and then have overcome." President Thomas S. Monson, General Conference, October 1993.
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"Satan,'the father of all lies'...would convince us that joy is not where it is. And, contrarily, he would have us to
believe that joy is where it is not...Life will bring to each of us challenges and setbacks--both dark days and better ones."
Elder Richard B. Wirthlin, General Conference, October 1997.
"Ensign," November 1992, page 65 "Settle This In Your Hearts," by Elder Neal A. Maxwell, Of the Quorum of the Twelve
Apostles. Quoting Brigham Young (Journal of Discourses 7:65): "Some do not understand duties which do not coincide with their
natural feelings and affections...There are duties which are above affection"
Elder Maxwell went on saying: "...the Lord 'will lead [us] along' as we 'give place' in our thoughts and schedules and
'give away' our sins, which are the only ways we can begin to make room to receive all that God can give us."
"Ensign," November 1991, page 76, "Charity Suffereth Long" by Sister Aileen H Clyde, Second Counselor in the Relief Society
General Presidency. "Now, understanding charity or being charitable is not easy. And our scriptures have not indicated that
it would be.
"Even 'charity suffereth long' requires our thoughtful interpretation. The 'suffering' that may come from loving is the
result of our great caring. It comes because another matters to us so much...We accepted bearing one another's burdens, and
mourning with those who mourn, as we accepted Christ in our baptism...His spirit and power will comfort us as we extend ourselves
in help and love to those who need us."
Chapter 3 Especially for Spousal Caregivers "Sacrifice is a demonstration of pure love. The degree of our love for the Lord, for the gospel, and for our fellowman
can be measured by what we are willing to sacrifice for them."
Elder M. Russell Ballard, General Conference, April 1992.
------------------- "Ensign," May 1995, page 64, "Marriage and the Great Plan of Happiness," by Elder Joe J. Christensen, Of the Presidency
of the Seventy. "Many church leaders and marriage counselors indicate that they have not seen one marriage in serious trouble
when the couple was still praying together. When problems arise and marriages are threatened, praying together as a couple
may be the most important remedy."
"Ensign," November 1988, page 69, "Hallmarks Of a Happy Home" by President Thomas S Monson, Second Counselor in the First
Presidency. "Two of my dearest friends now lie in poor health and helpless. They are not alone. Their faithful companions
minister to them in tender love. My friend Pres, who rarely leaves the side of his wife, said of her, 'Christine is weaker
but still beautiful. I love her so.'
"What a tribute to fidelity, to love, to marriage!...Another, a wife named Gertrude, makes comfortable her husband, Mark,
in his room. Everything is just as he would want the room to be. She reads to him. She chats with him about the family. She
once said to me during this long vigil, 'I love him more than ever.'"
"Ensign," Jan 1997 page 56 "Changing Me, Changing My Marriage" by Gary Steggell "When we are willing to change,
we discover that solutions to marital problems may not be so difficult as we once thought.
"If we are willing to look for the good in our marriage, we can increase our efforts to do more of those things that
are already working well...Doing less of what isn't working very well and doing more of what does, helps us refocus our efforts
to solve our problems.
1-"Set specific goals 2-"focus on positive behavior 3-"Describe you goals in action terms...you can do something today that can change things for the better." "Getting Older, Getting Better" by Rex A. Skidmore page 42-3 of the August 1988 "Ensign" gives very good counsel for
mature couples dealing with 5 specific areas:
1- Accepting Ourselves and Others 2- Sharing Feelings 3- Building, Not Bruising, Others 4- Finding Balance in Living 5- Loving Maturely While not specific to caregiving, these same principles of a good marriage also helps in the caregiving relationship:
"In one sense, the essence of living is loving, and the essence of loving is giving."
"'Thou shalt thank the Lord thy God in all things' (D & C 59:7). This scripture means that we express thankfulness
for what happens, not only for the good things in life, but also for the opposition and challenges of life that add to our
experience and faith.
"We put our lives in His hands, realizing that all that transpires will be for our experience. When in prayer we say
'Thy will be done,' we are really expressing faith and gratitude and acknowledging that we will accept whatever happens in
our lives."
May 1992 "Ensign" page 65 by Bishop Robert D. Hales.
"The Apostle Paul points out that 'the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church" (Ephesians
5:23). That is the model we are to follow in our role of presiding in the home.
"We do not find the Savior leading the Church with a harsh or unkind hand. We do not find the Savior treating His Church
with disrespect or neglect...Nowhere do we find the Savior doing anything but that which edifies, uplifts, comforts, and exalts
the Church. Brethren, I say to you with all soberness, He is the model we must follow as we take the spiritual lead in our
families.
"Particularly is this true in your relationship with your wife...'Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt
cleave unto her and none else' (D & C 42:22). To my knowledge there is only one other thing in all scripture that
we are commanded to love with all our hearts, and that is God Himself.
"This kind of love can be shown in so many ways. First and foremost, nothing except God Himself takes priority over your
wife in your life -not work, not recreation, not hobbies. Your wife is your precious eternal helpmate - your companion." Nov
1987 "Ensign" page 50 titled "To the Fathers in Israel" by President Ezra Taft Benson.
"Ensign," January 1974, page 62, "Opposition in Order to Strengthen Us," by Elder Eldred G. Smith, Patriarch to the Church.
"...we must also have the bitter in order to know the sweet. Sometimes some of us think we have the bitter and not enough
of the sweet. This is normal. We all have our trials of life to strengthen us. Each thinks he has the hardest or more severe
trails. It may be that they are most difficult only because they are the hardest or most difficult for you...All progress
is made by overcoming an opposing force."
Chapter 4 Especially for Caregivers of Older Relatives "We can begin today to try to see those we are to nourish as our Heavenly Father sees them and so feel some of what He
feels for them."
Elder Henry B. Erying, General Conference, October 1997.
-------------------------- "Ensign," May 1991, page 14, "Honour Thy Father and Thy Mother," by Elder Dallin H. Oakes, Of the Quorum of the Twelve
Apostles. "The commandments to honor our parents has strands that run through the entire fabric of the gospel. It is inherent
in our relationship to God our Father...This morning I wish to speak about honoring our parents and the aged among us.
"...our greatest expression of joy or pain in mortality come from the members of our families...Middle aged persons are
likely to think of the commandment to honor our fathers and mothers in terms of caring for aged parents...
"From time to time, Church leaders hear of grown children who seem to be good Latter-day Saints, but are negligent or
even maliciously indifferent in caring for their aged parents. Some have encouraged parents to distribute their property and
then have put them away in institutions, sometimes with inadequate care and sometimes without regular visits and expressions
of love from their children.
"The best way to care for the aged is to preserve their independence as long as
possible...When aged parents who are not able to live alone are invited to live with their children, this keeps them in the family circle and allows them to continue their close ties with all the members of the family. "When a parent lives with one child, the other children should make arrangement to share the burdens and blessings of
this arrangement. When it is not possible for parents to be cared for in the homes of their children, so that some type of
institutional care is obtained, their children should remember that institutional care will generally focus on physical needs.
"Members of the family should make regular visits and contacts to provide the spiritual and emotional sustenance and
the love that must continue in the family relationship for mortal life and throughout all eternity."
"Ensign," January 1974, page 29, "Behold Thy Mother," by Elder Thomas S. Monson, Of the Council of the Twelve. "One cannot
forget mother and remember God. One cannot remember mother and forget God. Why? Because these two sacred persons, God and
mother, partners in creation, in love, in sacrifice, in service, are as one...Men turn from evil and yield to their better
natures when mother is remembered.
"'Mother forgotten' is observed all too frequently. The nursing homes are crowed, the hospital beds are full, the days
come and go -often the weeks and months pass -but mother is not visited...There are yet other ways we forget mother.
Whenever we fall, whenever we do less than we ought, in a very real way we forget mother."
"Ensign," November 1983, page 25, "Honour Thy Father and Thy Mother" by Elder Paul H Dunn, of the First Quorum of the
Seventy. "May we do unto the aged what we would want to have done to us...Many is the time in my current position when those
in their advanced years have sought counsel in getting their families to share and take an interest in them.
"...[From the scriptures] three important conclusions can be drawn: First, there are advantages to old age; Second, we
can learn from the wisdom and understanding the aged and experienced offer; and Third, older folks are able, productive, and
useful, and should not be put on a shelf...With older friends and family, why don't you and I:
1- Seek their counsel 2- Visit or call them regularly 3- Include them in our activities 4- let them share their experiences 5- See to it that they have the basic necessities of life 6- Provide care for them when they are sick 7- Treat them as dignified human beings, not as charity cases...not with pity, but with love."
"Ensign" April 1993 page 65 "Random Sampler: Tips for Mothering Mom," by Helen Johnson Mitchell, Meadow Vista, California.
"After caring for my dad and mom, I developed several guidelines for others who are caring for elderly loved ones.
1- "Let them do as much as they possibly can for themselves 2- "Help them feel that they are contributing members of the household 3-"Ensure that they have the privacy they want and need 4- "Encourage them to keep in touch with friends 5- "Let them reminisce 6- "Help them to look their best 7- "If their health permits, take them out for a change of scenery 8- "Regularly get away for a few hours or even a few days 9- "Hold them and tell them you love them and will be there for them every day.
10- "Pray for strength. "As I look back now at the six years I spent caring for my parents, I have come to the conclusion that our family grew
from the experience of caring for them. I'm glad we had the opportunity to serve them in this way."
"A friend spoke to me recently of her father, who had suffered a stroke. She faced a hard time of life as she tried to
determine the best way to care for and support him and also consider her mother, who had good health and days still filled
with promise and grandchildren. Then my friend spoke of the reverence she felt for this time. She said, 'I am finding I enjoy
learning from him, watching him deal with this difficult process of an aging body.' At the most difficult times our families
can hold us steady."
Nov 1995 "Ensign" page 93 by President Elaine L. Jack.
"If you brood constantly over a loss or past mistake, look ahead - settle it...We call that forgiveness, that soothing
balm, to those who have offended you is to heal. And, more difficult yet, when the need is there, forgive yourself...Purge
and cleanse and soothe your soul and your heart and your mind and that of others. A cloud will be lifted, a beam cast from
your eye. There will come that peace which surpasseth understanding."
Nov 1987 "Ensign" page 18 by Elder Boyd K. Packer
"In this dispensation the Lord has said 'Thou shalt not covet thine own property, but impart it freely' (D & C 19:26).
As we consider ourselves trustees of the wealth for the benefit of God's children, we should not worship property, whether
it be of great or small value..."
"A person who places the wealth of this world in the scales against the things of God evidences little understanding
of eternal values." from: Jun 1971 "The Ensign" page 45 titled "The Law of Abundance" by Elder Franklin D. Richards
April 1965 Conference talk by Elder Howard W. Hunter, "[children are to give] obedience to their parents, and are expected
to provide for them when disabilities arise as their parents did for them as little children."
"Ensign," September 1995, page 56, "Taking Care of Mom and Dad," by Barbara Vance. "As parents grow older, many families
face choices about caring for them. These suggestions can help make the decisions easier:
1- "Give them opportunities to participate actively in determining what care they need and where they will
live...children need
to recognize how important it is for him to have as much independence as possible and a routine
he can establish for himself.
2- "Include them in family conversation as much as is possible.
All
too often we are prone to speak in the
presence of our loved
elders as though they were't present. 3- "Adjust surroundings to suit their physical or emotional needs.
Familiar furniture and personal belongings
can help elderly
loved ones feel at home wherever they choose to live. 4- "Provide maximum independence consistent with their physical
and mental condition.Sam probably does
many things that
are not exactly the way his children would do them. But they are his ways of doing things. He needs
support from his
children as he does things he likes to do in his own way. 5- "Encourage participation in family activities of daily living...[this]
fills a vital human need for social interaction
and a sense
of stability, personal worth, and accomplishment. 6- "Provide opportunities for involvement in Church activities
and
service. If he wishes to attend
his own ward, the family
should try to accommodate that desire if at all possible... he still needs opportunities to serve."
Chapter 5 Especially for the "Sandwich Generation" "President Hinckley has pleaded with us to do all we can comfort our brothers and sisters 'who cry out in pain and suffering
and loneliness and fear...Lift them in the spirit of love into the embrace of the Church.'..['God Be with You Till We Meet
Again'] This hymn is a deeply moving expression of our need for companionship with one another and with the Spirit of God,"
by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, "Ensign," November 1997, page 32.
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"A mother's love and concern never ceases - nor should it." Nov 1988 "Ensign" page 40 by Elder Monte J. Brough
"If you take each challenge one step at a time, with faith in every footstep, your strength and understanding will increase.
You cannot foresee all of the turns and twists ahead...We are not alone in our mortal struggles...unseen hosts watch over
us." President James E. Faust, BYU Address, January 7, 1996.
"Those who are filled with the love of Christ do not seek to force others to do better; they inspire others to do better,
indeed inspired them to the pursuit of God. We need to extend the hand of friendship. We need to be kinder, more gentle, more
forgiving, and slower to anger. We need to love one another with the pure love of Christ." May 1992 "Ensign" page 63 by President
Howard W. Hunter.
April 1951 Conference talk by Elder John A Widtsoe,"Parents and children must have the same relationship. There is no
true love without sacrifice for the loved one."
First Place Life-style Contest Winner: "A Nourisher of Thine Old Age" by Joy Saunders Lundberg (July 1991 "Ensign" page
59). "Caring for my elderly mother challenged our family physically and emotionally. It also brought us some surprising blessings.
"Having mother need her children so much has brought all of us closer than we've ever been...As a family we decided that
no matter how frustrated we get...we will not lose patience with mother. She is too dear to us for us ever to hurt her feelings...Instead,
we try to see the humor in the situation and share it with one another.
"I think we are most fortunate as a family to have married such caring spouses who are willing to do their part in serving
mother at this time in their life. My husband has blessed mother with his teasing, which she loves, and with his tender care,
which she deserves. He has opened our home to her without reservation.
"Our children, too, have been patient and helpful. They have drawn closer to her than before. They became 'grandma sitters'
when parents need a night out, and they seem to love it. Certainly Grandma loves it...[One evening] I thought again, 'It's
so sad.' But then, to my surprise, a feeling-almost the words-flowed into my mind: 'It's not sad. It's happy.' It was a comforting,
fortifying moment for me. Other family problems have not disappeared, but I have somehow been given strength and even, at
times, a greater wisdom to deal with them."
"Ensign," May 1995, page 30, "As Jesus Sees Us," by Elder Cecil O. Samuelson, Of the Seventy. "He, who not only knows
us best but loves us most, has provided through the grandeur of His atonement all that we need to compensate for our failings,
mistakes, sins, and disappointments if we only accept the Master's invitation to come unto Him by way of the narrow gate and
the straight path identified by His prophets."
Chapter 6 The Life Cycle: What is Aging? What is Illness? "How does Christ reign on earth? He does it through families,"
Elder Thomas L. Perry, BYU Devotional, February 1997.
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"Ensign," June 1987, page 44, "Growing Older: Retirement and Old Age Can Bring Challenges," by Sister Elaine Reiser Alder.
"[An elderly couple in her ward] their unlimited reservoir of love extended beyond their immediate family. They learned to
reach out to younger families who moved into their ward and to be their 'grandparents' away from home.
"Failing health is a worry for many older people. Venice Hill, age seventy-one, has been on dialysis for kidney failure
for more than two years. She meets each day with a sense of humor. 'There are many down days,' she said, 'but I am determined
to find worth in life'...Service to others can also help fill any void.
"Whenever possible, elderly people enjoy maintaining their independence...But often, they must move from their homes
in order to have adequate care: [80 year-old male living in his son's home] Brother Lawrence has made himself part of the
family in many ways. One is by helping the children with their homework. He also helps with family expenses such as food and
utilities and admits he feels good about being able to do so.
"Brother Lawrence leaves the discipline of the Hendrick's children entirely to their
parents...Brother Lawrence has many interests away from home. 'With three generations living together, you need time away from each other,' Beth explains. "At ninety [a massive stroke required her admission to a nursing home] Sister Sorenson has developed an attitude of caring
and service to others that affects the lives of almost everyone in the facility. 'I realize that I can be part of everyone's
happiness here,' she said, 'At first I was restless here- I wanted to be home. But the stroke allowed no alternative. So I
determined that if this was to be my home, I would make this a good part of my life.'
"Sister Bertha, who still lives alone at age ninety-six, fights discouragement by dressing attractively each day, maintaining
good nutrition, and seeking a positive environment through good music, reading, and television. 'I think it is my duty to
keep going,' she smiles, 'and I try to make sure my body and mind are fed constantly."
The "Ensign," July 1991, page 2 "First Presidency Message: My Personal Hall of Fame," by President Thomas S. Monson,
Second Counselor in the First Presidency.
"When we obey as did Adam, endure as did Job, teach as did Paul, testify as did Peter, serve as did Nephi, give ourselves as did the Prophet Joseph, respond as did Ruth, honor as did Mary, and live as did Christ, we are born anew. All power becomes ours. Cast off forever is the old self, and with it, defeat, despair, doubt, and disbelief. To a newness of life we come--a life of faith, hope, courage, and joy. No task looms too large. No responsibility weighs too heavily. No duty is a burden. All things become possible." "Ensign," May 1997, page 11, "From Whom All Blessings Flow," by Elder Neal A. Maxwell, Of the Quorum of the Twelve
Apostles. "Uncertainty as to our longevity is one of life's basic realities for all of us. Hence you and I should importune
in faith for the blessings we deeply desire, but then be 'content with the things which the Lord hath allotted unto [us].'
"Clearly our individual exit routes from the life vary; so does the timing...There are variations in our trails but no
immunities. Those who emerge successfully from their varied and fiery furnaces have experienced the grace of the Lord, which
He says is sufficient. Even so, brothers and sisters, such emerging individuals do not rush to line up in front of another
fiery furnace in order to get an extra turn!
"Whether illness or aloneness, injustice, or rejection, etc., our comparatively small-scale sufferings, if we are meek,
will sink into the very marrow of the soul. We then better appreciate not only Jesus' sufferings for us, but also His matchless
character, moving us to greater adoration and even emulation. Alma revealed that Jesus knows how to succor us in the midst
of our griefs and sicknesses precisely because Jesus has already borne our griefs and
sicknesses." "Ensign," May 1997, page 70, "Endure and Be Lifted Up," by Elder Russell M Nelson, Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.
"[The] responsibility to endure is uniquely yours. But you are never alone. I testify that the lifting power of the Lord can
be yours.
"Sometimes the need to endure comes when facing a physical challenge. Anyone afflicted with a serious illness or with
the infirmaries of old age hopes to be able to endure to the end of such trials. Most often, intense physical challenges are
accompanied by spiritual challenges as well.
"When we know without doubt that Jesus is the Christ, we will want to stay with Him. When we are surely converted, the
power to endure is ours....If you really want to be like the Lord -more than anything or anyone else- you will remember that
your adoration of Jesus is best shown by your emulation of Him."
Chapter 7 Empathy and the Reciprocal Helping Role "To create and maintain self-esteem, our words and our actions must always express to the individual that he or she is
important and capable...Always look for the good in the individual and lift, reinforce the positive by words and actions."
Elder Dallas N. Archibald, General Conference, October 1992.
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April 1966 Conference talk by Elder Richard L. Evans, "The best evidence of love for parents would be active evidence
of kindness, consideration, appreciation, respect for their teaching and counsel."
"Ensign," November 1996, page 82, "The Peaceable Things of the Kingdom," by Elder Jeffery R. Holland, Of the Quorum of
the Twelve Apostles. "Peace and good tidings...are among the ultimate blessings that the gospel of Jesus Christ brings a troubled
world and the troubled people who live in it, solutions to personal struggles and human sinfulness, a source of strength for
days of weariness and hours of genuine despair.
"These beloved people [those having serious trials] seek the Lord and His work with particular urgency...They are desperate
for the Lord's help and they know that in such times of extremity nothing else will do.
"Christ and His angels and His prophets forever labor to buoy up our spirits, steady our nerves, calm our hearts, send
us forth with renewed strength and resolute hope.
"And when God has forgiven us, which He is so eternally anxious to do, may we have the good sense to walk away from those
problems, to leave them alone, to let the past bury the past.
"We don't want God to remember our sins, so there is something fundamentally wrong in our relentlessly trying to remember
those of others.
"It is one of those ironies of godhood that in order to find peace, the offended as well as the offender must engage
the principle of forgiveness...So life has its opposition and its conflicts, and the gospel of Jesus Christ has answers and
assurances...[Through obedience to the gospel], we shall, ere long, have peace. Such reward is not only possible, it is certain."
"Ensign," June 1987, page 62, "Death of a Personality," by Lola B. Walters. "...my husband has been suffering from Alzheimer's
disease for nearly ten years...I had already made up my mind that his forgetfulness was not going to mean the end of all our
plans, all our enjoyment of life. I could carry on -for both of us. 'Don't worry, Honey, I can still drive. I'll take you
fishing'.
"But as dementia increased,Glenn was forced to quit all activities that required him to think...With no resources of
his own to keep him occupied, he naturally became restless. He paced back and forth, waiting for me to do something with him
or take him somewhere...I often longed for a little time to myself, but I rarely took any because I felt compelled to do everything
I could think of to fill his restless hours with some kind of diversions...nothing had prepared me for the anguish of watching
my husband gradually slip beyond my reach.
"One night, as I lay sleepless, feeling discouraged and very much alone, I remembered a scripture in John where the Savior
had promised His disciples that He would not leave them comfortless. Why, I had never thought of the Holy Ghost as a teacher!
I had prayed continually for the strength to care for Glenn, but I had relied on my own wisdom.
"I needed to learn how to care for him, and I knew I needed more help than I could get from any earthly source...The
Spirit made it clear to me that what I thought was obstinacy in Glenn actually was fear; fear caused him confusion. The Spirit
taught me how to care for him without creating fear.
"I now lead him slowly through the daily routines, explaining each step and showing him what I am going to do...And I
constantly assure him that his reactions are correct and appreciated.
"If for some reason he shows fear, the Spirit prompts me to calm him by patting his clenched hands until they relax and
by stroking away the lines of tension from his face quietly repeating: 'You're all right. It's all right.' I do not think
Glenn understands my words, but he responds to my touch and my tone of voice by allowing me to serve his needs.
"Although Glenn is mentally and physically an infant now, I am at peace. My heart is not troubled by the present, nor
am I afraid of the future. I know the Holy Ghost will comfort and guide me.
"My husband was a fine righteous man when he was stricken. If I can endure, we have the promise of being together in
eternity. I like to imagine kneeling with him at an alter in a holy place, looking across into his eyes, and seeing full recognition
of me...hearing him speak my name...knowing his personality is alive again -forever."
Chapter 8 The Great Value in Using God's Creations in Caregiving "The gospel is the answer to life's problems. I don't think there is one problem that is not solved by living the gospel."
President Gordon B. Hinckley in the "Ensign," May 1996, page 106.
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"Ensign," May 1997, page 59, "You Have Nothing to Fear from the Journey," by Elder M. Russell Ballard, Of the Quorum
of the Twelve Apostles. "No matter how difficult the trial...we can take comfort in knowing that others before us have borne
life's most grievous trials and tragedies by looking to heaven.
"In the process they found joy amid the hardships and trials of the trek...We can know as they knew that God is our Father,
that He cares about us individually and collectively, and that as long as we continue to exercise our faith and trust
in Him, there is nothing to fear in the journey.
"It will require every bit of our strength, wisdom, and energy to overcome the obstacles that will confront us. But even
that will not be enough. We will learn, as did our pioneer ancestors, that it is only in faith -real faith, whole-souled,
tested and tried- that we will find safety and confidence as we walk our own perilous pathways throughout life.
"He is always there to give encouragement, to forgive, and to rescue. Therefore, as we exercise faith and are diligent
in keeping the commandments, we have nothing to fear from the journey."
"Ensign," November 1997, page 75, "Making Faith a Reality," by Sister Janette Hales Beckham, Recently released Young
Women General President. "In order to have faith, or know that we have faith, we need to have experience with faith...spiritual
maturity requires that we have experience in this world. It is experience that helps us know good from evil. It is experience
that helps us recognize the promptings of the Spirit...Elder Bruce C. Hafen said because of 'the atonement of Jesus Christ
[we may] learn from our experience without being condemned by that experience.'"
Chapter 9 Caregiver: Take Care of Yourself! "Hobbies can aid in spiritual development. Worthy music, dance, art, and writing are among the creative activities that
can enrich the soul. A good hobby can dispel heartache and give zest to life." Elder Russell M. Nelson, General Conference
October 1997.
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"Ensign," May 1987, page 73, "By Faith and Hope, All Things are Fulfilled," by Elder Paul H. Dunn, of the First Quorum
of the Seventy. "...I occasionally see another form of thinking that can become quite negative -members weighed down, sometimes
grimly, with the serious tasks that they must perform to earn a living, pay mortgages, rear children, faithfully fulfill Church
callings, attend to school and community responsibilities, live righteously and worthily- the list could go on and on.
"I often think that for some of these people the joy and excitement have gone out of their lives and that all they look
back on are crowded, grim days, often filled with great guilt because of the pressure of trying to accomplish everything they
think is necessary and to be perfect right now.
"We can't help but worry sometimes; there are and always will be never-ending negatives existing all around us
which must be faced, dealt with, and solved ...Sometimes [these troubles] come to the point where our minds and attitudes
are distracted from the very principles that would allow us to rise above the negative and find the positive answers we need.
"...let us recognize and praise the thousands of beauties of life around us; the many wonderful examples of virtuous
living; the strengths and the courage of so many souls; the exceptional talents and achievements of our family members, neighbors,
and associates; the countless blessings that we have been given...Christ came to lift us up, not put us down."
"Ensign," February 1988, page 28, "In Your Time of Crisis," by A. LaVar Thornock. "Disease afflicts both the innocent
and the guilty. At other times, misery may come from others. Drunk drivers may injure us, criminals may victimize us. Blaming
God for such suffering is a terrible mistake:
1- "Just knowing...that our Heavenly Father wants us to be happy now, in this life, can make a great difference in how we view our circumstances. 2-"...trials and tests are an essential part of
the plan of salvation and help us prepare for exaltation in eternity...Spiritual strength and maturity come from overcoming opposition. 3- "We will be able to handle our crises more
effectively if we build a deep and abiding testimony of Jesus Christ and the restored gospel. 4-"...many people suffer needlessly because they
have not identified the real reason for their crises. Some people mistakenly feel that all their problems are the result of sins that have been committed...Many of our crises come to us as a result of living in a world where accidents happen and where physical law operates...Disease, too, afflicts both the innocent and the culpable... If the misery we suffer is due to our sins, there are choices we can make that will restore our happiness. We can repent. 5-"...we need to realize that help is available and
seek it...The scriptures and the gospel provide the insight we need to meet our crises, and our leaders and other members support and bless us emotionally, temporally, and spiritually. Most of all, our Heavenly Father assures and comforts us through the Holy Ghost. We can truly trust in God and his Son to help us..." Chapter 10 The Death of Your Loved One
"[This] is the work of the Redeemer. It is the gospel of good news. It is something to be happy and excited about." General
Conference address April 1996 by President Gordon B. Hinckley (found on page 82 of the "Ensign" May, 1996.
------------------- President Gordon B. Hinckley in the "Church News" of April 19, 1997 on page 4 "...quoted two statements from the 'General
Handbook of Instructions' for priesthood leaders. The first states:'A person who participates in euthanasia -deliberately
putting to death a person suffering from incurable conditions or diseases - violates the commandments of God.'
"The second relates to the prolonging of life and reads:'When severe illness strikes, Church members should exercise
faith in the Lord and seek competent medical assistance. However, when dying becomes inevitable, it should be looked upon
as a blessing and a purposeful part of eternal existence. Members should not feel obligated to extend mortal life by means
that are unreasonable. These judgements are best made by family members after receiving wise and competent medical advice
and seeking divine guidance through fasting and prayer.'
"President Hinckley then added :'Most of you are faced with the question of using heroic measures, so-called, to prolong
life, particularly with the elderly and infirm. I believe that most of you know what to do, and that you act prayerfully and
wisely in these difficult circumstances.'
"'I can only hope, I can only pray that you will counsel with your Father in Heaven as you are faced with these agonizing
decisions. You are entitled to inspiration, and I believe you will receive it.'"
On page 10 in the April 1992 "Ensign," Sister Lois Lamb Reeder shares "The Measure of a Miracle," concerning her own
mother's death due to a malignant brain tumor, the second one, having been restored to health a few years earlier after the
first tumor.
In wondering if another miracle would save her mother, she learned an important principle: "I visited her. My tears fell
on her cheeks as I kissed her. For what would be the last time in this life, I told her I loved her. The serene look on her
face as she passed away convinced me that I'd witnessed one of the greatest miracles of all. Because of the reality of the
gospel and Christ's resurrection, I knew she was smiling again, embracing all those loved ones who'd gone on beyond."
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There are 3 parts to LDS Adult Caregiving: to the Caregiver, to the Care Recipient, and to family, ward, and neighborhood